Feeling Alive
by 0023din
Summary: I'm scared, scared of my psychologist. It has the word psycho on it, no offense. It's Dr. Lecter. Damn directors. Damn parents. Why me? OC-centric. -this can only end badly..-


WARNING.

This was not read twice.

DISCLAIMER.

Me no own Hannibal

Summary: I'm scared, scared of my psychologist. It has the word psycho on it, no offense. It's Dr. Lecter. Damn directors. Damn parents. Why me? OC-centric.

* * *

Everything that kills me, make's me feel alive.

* * *

Glaring at the person in front of me, I felt the loosing hope for humanity. Feeling my left eye twitch, I was barely holding on my anger. Barely.

The most stupidest word in the whole world is influence. It's also the word that symbolizes something that you can't fight. Opinions matter because it can help you analyze an outcome, but to say that something influence you to do something.. Stupid per se, makes you the stupid one. Not the one where the influence came from.

Clenching my teeth in anger a single mantra repeats itself in my mind 'Don't loose your head' which wasn't doing quite well.

Trying to stare emotionless at the male imbecile, -a little harsh but in my state I could hardly care.

"I influenced you?" I tried to calmly say, but I'm pretty sure that even as.. Immature this person is, he could hear the hysteria in my voice.

"Well yeah." he shrugged, staring accusingly at me. As if I actually shoved the blade to his life.

We walked down the hall in our school, just came out from the guidance counseling office. I had a grudging respect for the place. Well, not really grudging, but authority never sat well with me. Even if it did helped me at some point in my life.

I breathed in my nose, trying to look at anywhere but him. He didn't understand the situation. He was too _sheltered_ to actually see the severity in it.

Clenching my fist tightly, I looked back at him, he was immature and stupid and not a day go by did I not wonder why on earth I was even _friends_ with the person. 'Maybe because so you wouldn't look like a complete loner?' my brain suggested, I rolled my eyes mentally at it.

"I.. Need some air." I stated not even hiding my anger now as I turned at an intersection on the hall.

I heard the bell ring, signaling an alarm for five minutes before the actual time. Being extremely cautious, I nodded to the hall patrols. A move that suggested that I looked like going to class, which was idiotic seeing as it was completely on the other side of the building. It helped that I was alone, the authority figures always seem to be more suspicious in the groups rather than the sole ones.

I walked like I had a purpose for a while before going to the sophomores section of the school, my plan could completely bail on me seeing as I could not in anyway or form pretend to be a sophomore now that I'm a senior.

Walking up a set of stairs, I bypassed the sign stating 'Keep Out'.

Opening, or rather bumping at the broken door knob to open the door, a magic trick. Not, the school may have good credits but they don't really check their door knobs well. The completely deserted roof top greeted me.

I walked leisurely, keeping mind to stay in the center or where there was walls were. Not only could I be in the danger of falling three stories down, but also the danger of getting sighted on by a teacher.

The light headed feeling I get when staring down from somewhere completely high wasn't much of a phobia, I was scared of heights but I enjoyed roller coasters and zip lining.

Sitting down and leaning on a wall, I heard the typical sounds of encoding. There was another reason I liked hanging out here, The Directors Office.

The person who owned this entire school was separated by a wall from me. I wasn't scared to be caught, there's this heavy curtain that conveniently always seem to close off the entire office. It wasn't sound proof though.

So the music that the man would play usually lulls me to sleep.

It was average music, nothing that portrays the character of the person. I think it just comes from the radio, but I never hear news anchors so I'm not sure.

But I wasn't here for a nap. Shrugging off the jacket I wore. The jagged scars on my arms greeted me. I sighed irritatedly at it. My right hand was the dominant one so my left arm had scars that looked completely _awful_. I furrowed my brows at it, trying to discern something I wasn't sure off.

I traced the lines absentmindedly, marveling at the feeling, I wasn't sick. I think. The school psychologist did told me he wanted to have a few sessions with me. Only I didn't came back.

I heard a window being opened and froze, looking up to the side I felt my heart ram in my chest. 'Of all the days' my mind supplied, a smell of cigarette wafted from the room. I scrunched my nose up. Really? A cigarette break? The amusement died fast in my throat as half of the, what I'm guessing, as the directors body leaned out the window taking a drag.

I couldn't move, tried breathing as silent as possible. I started praying to entities I knew off for him not to look down.

No such luck, as he took the cigarette out his mouth and proceeded to move away it's ashes, his eyes followed it lazily. The wind carrying it over to where I sat.

I coughed, couldn't help it, then froze as the man's face seemed to freeze into mine as well.

"Good afternoon." the shittiest greeting came off my mouth before I could stop it, I stood up. Taking mind that yes, I'm wearing a skirt, and sitting unflattering on the ground.

He opened his mouth then closed it again, it was set into a firm line. I winced slightly knowing this would be found out eventually. He looked at me from head to toe, I just fidgeted under his gaze.

He sighed, stabbing and killing the cigarette on the wall he then threw it away carelessly. I raised my brows at that, I usually cleaned it. To you know, have space for sitting. Only to find out that it wasn't the fellow students that litter the school. Clearly, this was another male killing my hopes for humanity.

"Can you climb on?" He motioned. I stared at him blankly, like an alien from another dimension. Rolling his eyes he repeated the question. I nodded at him, he moved away a bit.

It was a nice window. A little low, but good for viewing. It was a fourth floor building. Why on earth am I talking about windows? Maybe it's the nerves. This was _worst_ than getting caught by the principal. That's saying much considering how a tyrant the woman is. The man helped me climbed down inside the room,

"I am so sorry." my mouth ran before I could stop it, I clutched the jacket to my arms, feeling the goosebumps with the sudden change of temperature.

"Hm?" he asked, if I was any better I'd say uninterested.

"Would you like something?" he motioned to the coffee dispenser on the other side of the room, I opened and closed my mouth like a fish before nodding. "Latte." I blurted out, might as well take something I would actually drink.

The man nodded. As he went, I thought of what happen to me. I was caught. Skipping class. Looking around the room, it _was_ the Directors Office. Making my blood turn into ice, curiosity made me survey the room.

There. Behind the huge desk was a big painting of two men on a courtyard. The old man on it looked familiar, looking down at the name plate at the desk and to the numerous certificates hanging on the walls. I made a conclusion that the old man was the real director. And the man that was currently, ahem, getting me coffee was the younger one.

That did not stop me from gaping my mouth.

"Please don't expel me." Maybe I was exaggerating a bit on the punishment, but a classmate of mine was expelled because of truancy. Well, adding all the violations he did too. Still...

"Don't you think that's a little harsh?" he chuckled, I stared at him wide eyes, was he attempting to be joking?

"I'm not going to kill you, so loosen up." taking my elbow he dragged softly to the couches, why does the directors office have couches? "Here." he gave me a mug, I blinked at it and smiled. It was the right temperature, warm not scalding hot.

"Would you care to share on why you're on an unfenced roof top?" he sat across from me, crossing his legs I looked at him oddly. I straightened up my spine, trying to find some clarity in this situation.

"I was.. Skipping class." cursing my brain for stopping at the moment, I was good at lying, I think. I never had to lie in this kind of situation before. He rose an eye brow at me, the stern persona appearing.

To show vulnerable side or not.. People usually become more pitiful.. And it's not that I take advantage of it, okay maybe I do. But well.. The sanction would be easier to handle.

"You don't look the type to be skipping classes." my eyes twitched on his statement, I let my eyes wander around. Sighing I decided to just spill out my guts to the complete stranger, older stranger who's a professional so it was easier to tell. They're the ones where I get an intellectual advice.

"I needed to get away for a while, I seem to be doing it a lot these days. It's just that. My best friend.. Well, he was raving on about that I influence him to-" I stopped short on that, looking at him uncertainly, he nodded gesturing me to continue with understanding eyes, if emotionless could be understanding. "-cut him self." I finished.

He raised an eye brow at that.

"How can I influence him to physically harm himself? Isn't that just stupid?" I pointed the question at him, thankful for the mug that I placed on my lips so I wouldn't let my mouth run off of me.

"You cut yourself?" He questioned, I groaned internally, nodding embarrassingly staring at the ground. It was an act of course, I couldn't care less most of the time. I just guess that it's supposedly the right reaction.

It brings me back to my current situation.

Away from the school, away from peers and away from that blasted temporary director.

Away from all of that but inside this psychiatrists office.

A doctor sat across from me, when the director found out he consulted the counselor, after finding out my ditching sessions, turns out it was a big deal after all. Unlike the psychologist, the director was actually a PhD and caught on my hum... halfhearted attempt of lying. And this psychiatrist before me was giving me the peeves with the dark eyes that I swear are staring right into my soul.

"Good afternoon." I greeted automatically before anything started, feeling the heat creep on my face. Praying that my dark skin tone wont give it away. I cursed the school at their mandatory greetings that stick to me even now.

"Good afternoon Miss. Montgomerie my name's Dr. Hannibal Lecter."

I think I saw my life flew out the window, damned windows.

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Notes. Huh... Not that much bad of an attempt.. Anyways, this is a shameless self insert story. Read my profile.. It's needed.

Anyways. Have a great day.


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